Four strategies you can use to target your child’s executive function skills that will make remote learning less of a nightmare
I have no idea how we got to September, or what the heck happened in Spring of 2020. I started March out with a family vacation only to end up hunkered down for several months with kids in 7th and 9th grade who were forced to adjust to remote learning. My husband and I tend to be pretty hands off when it comes to homework for our kids, so we just kind of let the kids figure it out themselves. This worked fine for our 15 year old, but our 13 year old effectively stopped doing any work at all. I spent the last weekend of his semester reading the book he had to write about so I could ensure that at least he turned something in that wasn’t total nonsense.
So there is NO WAY I’m letting this year go down the same way. Fortunately, my son is attending school in person right now, but we know that it’s likely that he will be working remotely at some point. For all of you parents who anticipate avoidance, arguing, crying, whatever—here are some strategies that should help make distance learning more effective.
1) Modeling:
Neuroscientists typically agree that the parts of the brain responsible for executive functions are not fully mature until around age 25. What that means is, we need to act as “external frontal lobes”, teaching and modeling and providing scaffolding until our kids are able to recruit those behaviors independently. Remote learning was new for many people. Though some kids adapted quite well, there was no way of knowing how any one child would take to this new reality. In order to help your child make the most out of a challenging and novel situation, assume that you also need to learn the ins and outs of remote learning, and translate that process to your child. Use positive self-talk, identify problems and generate solutions. Be transparent with why you are making a certain suggestion. When you’re organizing your own work space, engage your child in the process so they can see how you identify and tackle a problem.
2) Listen:
As parents, we are used to being the solvers of problems. Where we often fail is in listening to our children when they have good insights into their needs. When you notice that your child is having a hard time with something, ask them for their input. If you learn that your child isn’t getting their assignments in on time, ask them to think about what makes it hard to get their work done. Maybe your child is not eating enough for breakfast so she’s hungry and gets up from her desk a lot and misses an assignment. Maybe your son is super bored in math class so he just tunes out and doesn’t write down the assignments. Perhaps your daughter is distracted by a frenemie she is seeing on her Zoom call so she can’t focus on the lesson. Maybe your son really doesn’t understand fractions so he just gave up and didn’t even bother trying. You cannot develop an effective solution if you don’t have a realistic grasp on the problem. Always remember to check in with your kid about what is on their mind and how they perceive their experience. You can’t help them if you don’t know what the actual problem is.
3) Prompt:
I know there’s a run on desks as we are renting a house for the year and struggling to get one for our son before he transitions to remote learning. If you are one of the lucky families who already set up your child’s learning station, well done! If you’re like us, whatever you can do to make a place that is free of distractions and built to meet the developmental needs of your child should be priority number one. If your child is working at the kitchen table, maybe set up a barrier to give them a bit more privacy (something like this: https://www.demco.com/demco-reg-economy-desk-barriers . Make sure they have paper, pencils, crayons, highlighters, a calculator, etc. Maybe add some inspirational quotes or love notes on post-its! Change those up a bit every few days so your kid knows that you value their efforts. What you want to do is prime your child to transition from play time to work time when they are at this station. No videogames or facetiming should happen here, it’s all about the school day and getting work done.
4) Praise and Reward:
Most kids can get through the majority of their school work because it’s designed to be within the reach of their developmental level. Still, teachers usually create some tasks that require a bit of planning and organization in order to challenge a child and help them learn to tackle multistep problems. That’s fine when they are at school, but you may be managing those assignments now on the days where your child doesn’t have Zoom calls but is supposed to do work independently. When this happens, do your best to break down the task into very small parts, so that each part can be completed within a manageable amount of time. For an 8 year old, that might be 10 minutes, for a 14 year old it may be 15-20. The point is that your child can see the task’s end and only have to direct and sustain their attention for a short amount of time. When your child finishes that part of the assignment, praise them, and give them some small reward to celebrate their efforts. The goal is to increase your child’s stamina for difficult tasks and to help them to internalize the skills needed to tackle multistep assignments.
There are loads of strategies you can use to help your child adjust to remote learning and have a successful year. Having your kid at home will give you the opportunity to really see where their strengths and weaknesses lie and develop supports that will benefit them even when they return to the classroom. And for all your efforts? Celebrate with an extra batch of cookies, a glass of wine, an extra hour on Netflix, whatever. Just be sure to reward yourself for everything you’re doing as the fabulous parent you are in these extraordinary circumstances.
If you want to read more about supporting your child’s developing executive function skills, I highly recommend the Smart but Scattered books by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare.
